


Farewell, Papillon

by WillGrammer



Category: Papillon (2018)
Genre: Character Study, Established Relationship, Guilt, Imprisonment, Long Shot, M/M, Masturbation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2018-10-01
Packaged: 2019-07-23 06:47:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16153796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WillGrammer/pseuds/WillGrammer
Summary: Henri and Louis reflect upon their relationship during their first two years apart, and then their reunion on Devil's Island five years later.





	Farewell, Papillon

After five years in solitary one would think that Henri had gone mental. All the quiet that surrounded him, choked him, claimed him… It sounded terrifying for an outsider. And so it was, at first, but it was also very reassuring, because he returned to a place that he knew.

 

His thoughts were welcomed there.

 

His dreams and quiet songs that he hummed with Nenette during the small hours of the night resurfaced and accompanied him, making sure he wasn't all alone around these dirty, stone walls.

 

It didn't mean that he liked it there. No, he worried about Louis and couldn't do nothing to calm himself when trapped away from him.

 

His logic saved him from those sleepless nights he was doomed to experience if he knew nothing about his friend; but he knew more than enough.

 

Louis had gotten close to the warden during these first two years they drifted apart. He was here and Louis was making himself useful while surviving on his own.

 

The warden probably didn't execute him. he was still very useful, so it was more than likely that Louis was somewhere near him.

 

That would make sense. Henri could feel his presence somewhere near by.

 

He prayed for his survival. He hoped to see him again. To hear his voice, to protect him once more.

 

It wasn't a job anymore. Their bond has gotten much closer than it to be considered as a job at this point.

 

He didn't know what they were. He believed that they were friends.

 

He wanted to believe that, to spare himself from questions that floated in his head about Dega and how much he meant to him.

 

But he had time. So much time, he could rethink it over and over, day and night, for years, and he would still have time to rethink it again.

 

As his hand made it’s way down his pants, Henri stared upwards, and all he could see was the blue in Louis’ eyes, surrounding him, accepting him.

 

He could handle the guilt.

 

He could handle his thoughts regarding one particular man than his girlfriend. He knew that he didn't deserve her, and that she could find someone better. Though she didn't know about any of this.

 

Would she hate him for falling in love with the man he was keeping alive?

 

She should, if she only knew instead of waiting for him to come home only to be met with the harsh truth of his heart beating for another.

 

He could imagine the way her eyes would open wide, and her shoulders would fall.

 

Tears would fill her eyes and she would struggle not to cry, and he would stand there, undeserving to comfort her. To breathe her in, to love her like he once did.

 

In those moments Henri hated himself the most.

 

-

 

Waiting was a game they both knew the roles to.

 

They first played it when Henri was in solitary for the first time, and they were separated.

 

Surviving on their own for a long period of time in which they had to take care of themselves without the other's presence.

 

Louis was scared at first, for Papillon rather than for himself.

 

All the danger that surrounded him meant nothing to him when he thought about the way his friend were to spend the next two years by himself, locked in a room away from people.

 

He knew what damage silence could do to a person. His father used to trick him like that, before he would strike him down, like a beast after its prey.

 

Silence was one of his worst enemies.

 

He hated to wait, to hear nothing but static in his head as his body tensed and his mind raced, even if the person in front of him wasn't the monster that was his father.

 

He never knew what to expect when he was put in a situation where he had to wait for answers.

 

Not knowing what the people around him were going to say and it made him anxious.

 

But maybe it was better than knowing sometimes. Maybe it was better to know the truth, but being kept in the dark was an insult to him.

 

So when he was to find out that his dear wife, the same wife that promised to get him home by Christmas seven years ago, went on and married no other than his lawyer, he felt relieved.

 

It hurt, very much, but he knew he wasn't being led on anymore with false hope of ever getting out.

 

So he let it be. Bitterness and pain clenching their jaws and ripping him a piece by piece until he found peace with his reality, and then it stopped bothering him.

 

At some point he found his way up the rank to the warden’s pocket, promising to take care of his financial difficulties in exchange for protection from the other inmates, and so he kept himself alive until Papillon’s release

 

If not for his wife, then for his friend.

 

Or at least, for the man that was his only comfort in this prison. He didn't know how to describe the way he longed for him near him.

 

The amount of peace he brought to his mind whenever he was in sight wasn't something he could put into words. 

 

He never loved a man before. It wasn't wrong to, in his eyes. He didn't care much for other people's love interests.

 

He didn't peer into their private lives, and he surely didn't believe they were to burn in hell for loving a person from the same sex.

 

It scared him, to love Papillon, even though it felt like the most natural thing in the world, after knocking on death's door so many times just to be swept off his feet by the tall blond.

 

The rumors that were echoing through the dirty walls of the prison were dangerous.

 

Not because they weren't true - people didn't care for true or false. If they wanted anything they would take it, and Louis wasn't scared of that. He was protected, after all.

 

No, the thing he feared the most was rejection.

 

Not from society, not from the people that knew him before he was sent to prison, but from the only person he cared about.

 

And after waiting for him for five years, this time on Devil's Island, he truly didn't care if his attraction was indeed one-sided, though it would bring him a lot of joy if it turned out to be false. 

 

The only thing he cared about was seeing his friend again, hearing his voice, And not in his dreams.

 

So when he saw him again, he felt alive.

 

Though his drawings across the stone walls and the way his dirty, brown hair had grown longer and stood over his scalp provided him the look of a mad scientist of sorts, he didn't care about the way he looked.

 

Not anymore. He was just happy to see the man that he loved again.

 

Worry filled him when seeing how thin he became. It was only reasonable.

 

The warden and the guards had tried to break his spirit and starve him, but it wasn't enough to kill him.

 

And after years of knowing him, Louis wasn't sure if Papillion _could_ die.

 

-

 

Henri was glad to see Louis again. He seems to be doing well after five years on the island.

 

His boney hands gained some muscle after his dedication to paint these stone walls, and honestly the blond found peace in knowing he occupied himself all this time with doing what he loved.

 

“It's good to see you again,” the words spilled out of his mouth that night, his eyes open to look over Louis, trying to get used to seeing his friend again.

 

To remind himself he wasn't on his own anymore.

 

“I missed you,” He added with a sigh, rubbing his tired eyes, taking comfort in the fire in the middle of the room.

 

Louis smiled and moved his head to the side, his eyes bluer than Henri remembered them to be when their gazes met.

 

“I missed you too,” he nodded his head in understatement before he limped closer to the man, sitting besides him against the wall, so close that their shoulders touched, but they both stayed still.

 

Henri swallowed a lump down his throat and let out a shaky breath.

 

He closed his eyes and let his hand rest on Dega’s, feeling heat spread across his cheeks when he could feel the smaller man flinching slightly, but not moving his hand away despite his surprise.

 

“Thank you for waiting for me, Louis.”

 

Staring upwards at him, the smaller man leaned his head against the blond’s shoulder, squeezing their fingers together, feeling his heart skip a beat when they both tightened their grip.

 

“You are worth the wait,” Dega told him, before feeling him shift in his place a little.

 

“Nenette, she… she's waiting for me, as well.” Henri bit his lip, his guilt was harder to deal with now, when holding Louis’ hand for the first time.

 

Dega nodded his head in understatement, tears choking down his throat when the realization that another person he loved was yet to drift apart from him again hit him.

 

He understood. He truly did, it was unfair for him to ache for Papillon to stay beside him after all these years when he had someone waiting for him.

 

But he was jealous. And tired, so very tired of exposing himself just to be broken again by rejection and his unrealistic, overly optimistic desires for Henri to remain with him.

 

“She must be worried sick,” Louis said softly, breathing in the scent of their sweaty palms pressed together.

 

“I'll help you escape. One last time, my friend.”

 

And at these words, both men broke down and cried.

 

Their friendship will live on, but their love for each other could not remain. They both knew that.

 

It provided no comfort to either of them, not at the moment, but they were grateful for the years they spent together.

 

Staying alive for the sake of seeing each other again and escaping once more, but this time Louis was going to stay behind.

 

He was guilty, after all, and Henri was not.

 

And as Papillon drifted from him, returning to the sky where he belonged, Dega remained at the top of the mountain, screaming his lungs out, a wide smile stretched upon his face, as tears stained his cheeks.

 

His friend was free, at last.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a bit Out Of Character and I'm sorry. I was really excited to write it down, though, and I hope that you were able to enjoy this one shot as well. I love these two so much, I hope I did them justice this time as well. 
> 
> Please kudos and comment your thoughts down below, feedback means a great deal to me.
> 
> My Tumblr: https://will-grammer.tumblr.com/
> 
>    
> THIS IS MY LONGEST WORK SO FAR! NEARLY 2K WORDS! HELL YEAH! 
> 
> Thank you for reading! As always, until next time, 
> 
> -Alex.


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